Explaining about your Separation to Kids

How to Explain to Kids about Your Separation with Your Spouse

As we all know kids will always be in the middle of the war whenever there’s a divorce. Kids will always have the idea that the family will stay together no matter what. They may see some fighting between parents but they know that they will stick together to guide the kids grow up as a member of the society.

Seeing their parents separate is very devastating or traumatic leaving lasting effects for the kids. Some will bear this burden for the rest of their life and will affect their personality and development. We have take an extra effort in guiding our kids so that we could ensure they grow up as normally and healthy as possible.  One of the most difficult tasks a parent would do in this situation is to explain to the kids they are separating.

Divorce is a very complex and personally, a very unnatural thing to occur to the kids that they will never have the grasp why divorce is happening and what are they going to do about it. They will have questions that are very difficult to answer and even though you come up with a pretty good explanation, they will still resent the fact that you’re separating. The basic rule in explaining to the kids about separation is to stay positive. Whatever you say, always end up with a positive and hopeful tone.

If you believe that divorce is not really a bad thing, you should be able to effectively communicate this situation to your kids. The kids will feel really bad about the situation but at least they have the assurance from a parent that it will be ok. It would even be better when the situation is not only explained by one parent but also by your former husband. In fact, it is not only your responsibility in assuring the kids that everything will be alright.

Even though it’s a little bit impossible, talking to your kids together will ease the difficulty by a greater extent. It might be the last act of you as a couple together but it’s a great way to end things as you assure your kids that everything will be ok despite the separation. There is a tendency that the kids will think that it’s their fault that you are actually separating.

This is very delicate and it could potentially scare them for life. Assure them that it’s not their fault but don’t really push the fact. As we’re talking about positive tone in the conversation, remind your kids that you will still be their mother and their dad will still be their father no matter what. Separation doesn’t mean a parent will no longer do their duties.

Remind them that the separating parent will still visit them. Of course, you have to be really honest when the parent will visit the kids. If you’re talking to the kids alone, again stick to the positives about the situation. Even though you’re really angry at your husband for leaving you and the kids, never badmouth their father. Kids are very vulnerable to the idea that their family is malfunctioning.

Remember the time when you keep your fighting within yourselves instead of showing it to your kids. This is still the same only that the other parent is not there to fight you. It only gets worst since you don’t just keep the fighting to yourself but you’re practically taking the fight to your kids. Your kids will be thinking that he has bad parents and that will greatly affect their self esteem. When you’re talking make sure it’s a two way communication.

Some of the kids are quiet vocal about the situation but most will just listen. It’s a very serious talk and it can only be understood by adults. But it’s still your responsibility to explain to the kids and the only way to gauge if they understand it or not is to encourage them to express their opinion and ask questions.

Don’t expect a simple reaction such as “ok”. Most of the time, kids will be begging for more answers as to why are you breaking up. There is a temptation to tell your kids about the bad things about your relationship with your husband. But again remember to keep it in a positive tone and always emphasize that you and your former husband will still be there to take good care of them no matter what.

Be sure to talk to your kids about your separation as soon as possible. Bottling up their emotions will give your kids a really hard time adjusting to their new family life. Let them express themselves and explain to them why the separation happened. They may be angry at first but through time, they will understand and because you are there, they are assured that everything will be just fine.