Even though divorce is practically the separation of a couple, the kids will have the greatest emotional burden. They are practically in the cross-fire in the emotional battle between you and your husband. You may not realize it but kids will silently bear the trauma of separation. They just realized that the most important people in their life as of the moment will no longer be there together. The scars they will bear will practically haunt them for the rest of their lives. If you won’t do something about it, that emotional burden of the kids will affect their ability to social and ultimately to bond with someone forever.

As soon as divorce or some signs of it starts to show, be sure to help your kids cope up with their situation. Of course you are also feeling angry and frustrated with your current situation, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to neglect the emotional burden of the kids. In fact, what you feel right now might just be the tip of the ice berg when you compare to what you feel with the kids right now.

So what do the kids exactly feel during the early years of the divorce? First and foremost, kids will feel confused about the situation. This is especially true for kids who are not aware of divorce. They don’t know why all of a sudden the family that seemed to be together just suddenly broken.

Another expected emotional response from the kids is anger. Imagine yourself being angry to your former husband and double it. Your kids will not only be angry to your husband but they could be angry at you as well. After all, both of you purposely broke up so that you won’t care about each other anymore and that leaves your kids with no-one to hold on. And that brings us to self pity. Kids could have the idea of parents separating because of them.

Kids of divorced parents need help and fast. Before those emotions could sink in permanently it has to be addressed and answered. We do not encourage our kids to ignore their emotions. If they bottle up their emotions it will destroy them from the inside and eventually affect their whole life. Everyone should help in getting their kids cope up with the situation. It could be swift or a very long time but time is not the problem. We have to stick with our kids so that they could easily address their burden.

So where do you look for help?

First is within. As a parent, you are the first person expected to help your kids. And not just you, your former husband should also do the best that he can. The kids need to be reinforced with a lot of love and reassurance that everything is ok. As we have always said, we need to assure the kids that even though you are separated, you and your former husband will still function as mom and dad.  This information should not only come from you but also from your husband. It’s even recommended that you do the “talk” to your kids together. That way, the concept of being mom and dad is still there.

Second is from your relatives and in-laws. You don’t have to play the “I hate my in-laws” card here. It’s for the good of the kids to have the extended family assure them that everyone is still there to help them. Your parents and in-laws should be able to spend time with the kids. Just be sure to remind them not to berate your husband or you in front of the kids. They have to feel that love is still there for them. They just have to accept the fact that parents are no longer together but the love of both parents and their relatives are still there. This concept also extends to really close friends of the family and the kids.

Third is professional help. There are thousands of child physiologists in the country and most of them are very competent in talking to your kids about divorce. Seeking their professional help doesn’t even demean your function as a parent as in fact, your role as a parent will be highlighted. As they talk to your kids, you are also given the chance to cope up with the situation yourself. The counselor can also give you advice on how to deal with your kids’ emotions during this situation.

Emotional help for your kids is very important. You, your family and professional help should be more than enough to get your kids cope up with the situation. This will ensure your kids will grow up emotionally normal and one day build a home for their kids without even experiencing a broken family one day.