Getting Remarried after Divorce When You Have Kids with Previous Marriage
There is life after divorce. The first year of divorce maybe devastating for us but it’s not just the men who has the right to go out and restart their way of living. Sure we do have our kids with us but that doesn’t mean we can’t meet someone. We have all the right to all the happiness that we can get and that includes meeting someone to whom we can share our life with. There are also lots of men out there who are also looking for a better half after the divorce.
But before you even think of going out, think of your situation first. There are people who just want to go out because they are feeling at a loss and want someone to share the situation. We just don’t want to go out and meet someone since they listened to us. You’ll be surprised how many men out there who knows how to listen but doesn’t really care about the relationship. Before you go out, be sure that your reason is to be with someone that you like not that because they are there to listen to you but they have decided to be with you no matter what.
Jumping in to another relationship and marriage is really easy even for the divorced women. But unlike when we were single, we have to give ourselves more time before we go down the aisle again. The reason? One word: kids. Regularly kids are accustomed to be with the man in the house. But that role is given to their biological father or at least the father that watched and guided them to grow. Bringing another man in the house is very uncomfortable and unacceptable for the kids. Imagine the situation when you tell them not to talk with strangers and yet all of a sudden you bring a complete stranger in the house and you actually encourage them to interact.
If you really wanted to be married with this guy, here are some tips you might consider so that the kids will slowly accept you.
No grand affairs – as much as possible avoid occasions such as birthday parties or anything like that so that you could introduce you future other half. Although that’s a very happy situation, it’s not the actual situation. You have to show to your kids how cool or how good your guy could be even in very simple situations.
Not too early – do not rush things. This will not only be uncomfortable with the kids but also for the man. You have to make sure that he is the one before you actually introduce him to the kids. If you later found out that the man is not that good, the kids will just be confused of your situation. Besides, your man might think that you are pressuring him to be with you just because you knew he might stay.
Introduce the kids one by one – there will be a situation wherein your intended partner is also a divorced man. If he has kids, don’t introduce them at the same time. It’s hard enough to deal with one kid who doesn’t understand the situation so its going to be really messy when two kids who might not like each other and the other parent introduces another parent. When you do them one by one, you ensure that the kids are ok with the situation before they get to know each other.
Never expect a lot – most of the psychologists agree that kids are always one stage behind in the coping stages. That means by the time you adapt to the single life, they are just beginning to feel their father is not there. When you are about to move on and be remarried, the kids might just be in a stage where they have adopted to the life of having only one parent. Although there are situations that kids will like a person immediately, most of the time a new person in the family will never be received well on the first time.
Preparation is the key – let your intended partner know the do’s and the don’ts of the kids. This will prepare your partner in meeting the kids. Your intended partner will never be surprised of their action and will never feel out of place.
In gist, keep it simple. You really don’t need a party and a welcome banner so that the kids will be at awe or at least like the person. Just make sure that the man acts natural in front of the kids so that they’ll know how good the man is. Patience is the key to impress the kids because after some time, they will acknowledge your intended partner as the future member of the family.